I often wonder if ignorance is really all that blissful. Perhaps sheltered is the word I am looking to say. The other day, a few of us ladies at work were looking at some pictures of male strippers and dancers on the internet. We were being all loud and naughty. I have never been to a club to see men dance, but I have been to clubs to see women and get drunk. The other ladies were discussing going to strip clubs and inviting me to come along and see this!
I am contemplating it. Why not have a good time with the girls? Well, what if you weren’t allowed to go? My ex-husband didn’t allow me to have any friends, male or female, or talk to anyone. That is another story. But back to this one….one of the Pakistani girls at work was making photocopies at the time of the conversation. She shyly looked on at the pictures and showed a bit of interest when she heard about the dancing and clubs. She asked a few questions, finished her copies, and left the room with her head down. I approached her later on that day and asked if she was all right and if we had offended her. She told me that all of the pictures were good looking and going out seemed fun. I am starting to see what she is thinking. She said that she will never get to see any of these things she finds interesting because of her religion. Her parents, Muslim peers, and her arranged spouse would not hear of it.
I like this girl a great deal. She is only 21, smart, funny, and has a spirit. It kind of makes me sad to see her covered up and further sad to see that her friends and family who also work here, tell on her to her parents that she laughs too much and her hair shows at the top of her scarf. I understand from asking her questions, that her parents make her adhere to tons of rules and to her religion because they want her to carry tradition and be a good person. Also, in her words, to “protect her.”
However, you can’t help but see a curious young lady who lives in America with choices unavailable to her in Pakistan, frustrated to only be allowed the choices if she were still in Pakistan. Imagine that you can’t have what you want. Would she be better off if she never knew that people outside her country showed their hair, had premarital sex, and date? I was surprised when one day she confessed that she was dying to know what pork spare ribs from the Chinese restaurant tasted like. What do you say to that? We complain about how much dating sucks, but what if your choice was made for you? Then again, she will never have a boyfriend break up with her, fall madly in love and get destroyed, or have a one night stand never call.
I wonder if I should feel badly for her. I don’t really want to sound like I am being an ignorant American who compares everyone to us. Like we all should be the same and no one has it as good. Isn’t that like when missionaries think they are doing justice to “civilize” and “save” some other culture with assimilation? Her restrictions are her choice, I suppose. But I am not sure she is really missing out on as much as she thinks she is. I get to drink and curse and watch porn but is she really all that deprived?